lvrebelman's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hanging By A Thread First off, I'd like to apologize for saying that I'd update "soon" and yet wait 14+ days to do so. As I already mentioned, I went to visit an Internet buddy in Arizona. I needed a vacation and the East Coast was snowed out, so I thought I'd use my free plane ticket and finally meet this guy I've been talking back and forth with both on Diaryland and LiveJournal. If I had to pick the 5 most eye-opening experiences I've ever had, this trip would definitely be one of them. I'll be honest, I've been a wreck since my breakup with Justin. I tried to convince myself that he used me to see what this who gay thing was all about, that he didn't like me. After thinking about that and my past experiences trying to see how I fit into this world as a gay man, I was feeling a bit hopeless about it. The guys I've met up to this point I've either pushed away or I guess they felt I wasn't worth their time. Meeting Aaron and his friends showed me that I can be both gay and myself, no readjustment, no having to adopt certain interests to attract others, I can be... me. Aaron and I are alike in some ways, but can respect each other's differences. This wasn't explicitly done, btw, but rather something that came naturally. All in all, they're great people, and I think that there was some higher power that made it all happen. I was nervous about spending an hour on an airplane and meeting someone outside of Vegas on their turf, but somehow, this sensation went away after talking with him for a few minutes. It's all quite strange, even in retrospect. We played Karaoke Revolution and went clubbing, among other things. While I think of my relationship with Aaron as something that transcends a boyfriend-boyfriend deal, I did end up flirting/dry humping a friend of his. lol, I am not sure what to make of that, seeing as how I rarely do things like that, but I am going back during the last weekend of April, I'll be sure to post something much sooner after the fact. As for everything else in my life, it's unstable right now, I'd rather not use any other word to describe it. There's a lot going on needing my attention, it seems like my needs are secondary and less urgent, yet things that help keep me sane. I think I'll feel better when I start school again next week. There's something comforting about just doing my weekly routine. I know: It's predictable! :-) 20:26 - March 24, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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