lvrebelman's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Neutral as can be Well, things have gotten a bit better since I last wrote. I'm just being my dad's father right now in a sense. His money's currently sitting in my bank account. While I found it annoying at first (since I have to waltz down to the ATM everytime he needs cash), I should just see it as my dad's effort to control his problem, I should support it, even if it means actually having to balance my checkbook. As for my mom, while she isn't helping herself at the moment by not taking her evening medication, there really isn't anything I can do about that. Over the years people put in my head this notion that I have influence over her, that I can get her to do things to benefit herself, that I am what makes her happy. In reality, I don't have this power over her, and am just as powerless as everyone else who cares about her. As for the other thing that I frequently complain about, I have to remind myself that there are people out there who like me, even if they can't be a part of my everyday life. I must admit though, it's a slow process if you you don't have a class with the person or don't see them very often, but I'm at the point now where I can manipulate this kind of situation so that I am happy with it. I even experienced this today, after talking with Ben for a couple of hours online. I really like him, and even though I've only met him once in person, I like our chats and I consider him to be a friend. I think my early experiences (like the ones I wrote during the first year or so on my diary) exist for a reason. While the cost was high, I suppose it taught me no to be so overly dependent on people. In a way, it has led me to the life I have today, socially anyway. But still, I wish I could take back some of the things I've done. I think an e-mail to some of my friends from high school is in order. It's a start. 16:45 - August 04, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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